serving

they sit there and get their shoes shined. not because their shoes need shining, not because anyone cares. but because they like to sit there and read while another person is servicing them, giving them unadulterated and unrequited attention.

is it true that if they knew everything about you, none of them would love you?

church on sundays

we go to church every sunday. almost every sunday. sometimes we are out of town. sometimes if we are out of town we go to a different church. either way they say the same kinds of things, as they are the same kind of church. we all need to try to be better people. none of us are very good at being good, or at humility. after all, you've been a jerk to too many people already. when you go to the same one all the time you get familiar with things, with the people and how they act and what they're about. the pastor gets very enthusiastic and desperate sounding, the first time i heard him it really got my attention. after about 3 visits of identically enthusiastic and desperate sermons i realized that's just how he does it, like an actor who only knows one role. they focus on what they want and skim over the things they feel less relevant, but of course you could read it all for yourself and see what it says with exact clarity. though, they always say the same kinds of things. we all need to try to be better, and we need to make him the most important thing in our lives. they always talk about it like it's a difficult sacrifice we're all making, without sacrificing too much. sometimes i wonder if they really believed all the things they do, would they keep living like they do. but maybe devoting a day out of the week to think about it is enough of a sacrifice. giving up anything else would turn into self deprivation.

these are just things that happen. it isn't anyone's fault.

it isn't easy being a bunny.

Thoughts?

ever get an e-mail like this from a boss or supervisor, typically regarding something you did wrong or something they suspect you screwed up. they either begin or end the e-mail with "Thoughts?". The rest of the e-mail is normally a short sentence of the problem or suspected err on your part. Whenever I see this in an e-mail I always want to simply respond "no."

slouching through life

most people will do it if you let them. there are probably worse ways to live. at the end of it all, we will probably have achieved just as much as anyone else. a life we didn't really understand and a death we know even less about.

nobody reads this anymore

one day there will be nothing left to remind us that people were here and they felt love, hate, sadness, and longed for more.

one day there will be less.

i was an asshole when i was happier.

born ugly.

a game with a set of rules that don't make any sense and aren't meant to let you win.

coming to terms with the word GOD.

it means what you want it to.

we know better

a five-year-old whine's to his mother, "I do know what love is, and I am in love." Whatever he is feeling, he will never feel it quite the same ever again. Everyone sees him exactly the same way, as naive. And yet we hold pristine memories of just these moments.

hope for whatever you can.

if things are really falling apart, let's make it the most glorious fall. let us glisten and float in the sunlight before we crumple into the ground. perhaps someone will bear witness before it ends. maybe they'll think something nice.

to arrive efficiently at where you want to be

1. start going in the right direction.
2. continue going in the right direction.
3. stop when you arrive.

there reaches a point where success is only buying into your own bullshit.

forgetting to eat again.

i don't want to design anything for anyone but myself.

I always think I'll love something more.

if we think about it too long it will destroy us.

somebody has to be nobody.

everything's mission is it's own destruction.