they're looking at you like you don't know anything, again.

i didn't want to think about her being under the knife. her legs spread apart. the cutting. i didn't want to think about her that way. so i didn't. and eventually i forgot about it all together. but then he called, he brought me into it. so that i felt it with her, even after it was over. thinking of where i came from, everything feels like it needs to end. too tired to try, too tired to care. think about how you got here, where you're going.. why? did i ever feel alive, or is it only an illusion of memory? i know who i am but i try not to be.