rebirth

i wanted to think that everything about her would die without me and in a way it did. but not in the way i wanted.

not acknowledging happiness, for fear that it will abruptly end.

why does it have to be over; why did it have to end. it was so nice. remember the reading tree, the one we used to sit beneath while the summer sun declined. just to enjoy life together. it used to be so easy. these things are gone now and all i can do is hope that when i sleep, my dreams will do them justice.

i got carried away.

i got carried away trying to be something that was a bad idea in the first place. i tied things down to the surrounding circumstances a bit much, thinking if i could only replicate them, everything else would follow in suit. it's not true, it only made the things i want further away, and much more apparently so. don't tell anyone, but sometimes when i know someone really wants me to succeed, i secretly hope to fail, only to disappoint them. just to see their hopes fail. just to prove this world is not a fairy tale and good things don't always happen if you only want them to. this is how happy i am.

i'm only going to say this once and without explanation.

you should never put a great deal of trust in someone who has the potential to let you down. everyone has the potential to let you down.

i have no idea what you are like now,

but i wish you could still be the way you were then.

the moments in life that make us who we've become

do you ever think back to the crossroads in your life and wonder, what if things would have gone the other way. what if things could have been so much better. and then get real depressed. it all could have been so much better. the sick torment of only being allowed a single outcome in a world with endless possible outcomes. even the rich and famous sometimes think back and wonder, if only..

coming into a world already populated by idiots.

you pretty much have no hope.

ok with nothing.

sometimes it's all you can be.

the death of a salesman.

it was something, not much though.

it's just horrible

when you think you love something, then find out much later that you don't.

i want a big cool scar for people te be impressed by.

you're not an authority on anything. get over it.

morning after..

BULLSHIT.

it's funny how one word can be used as a descriptive for every aspect of one's life. funny.

to laugh alone again and not care. not even think about it.

watching myself the way others do, i'm that kid in high school that got nervous whenever anyone paid him any attention. and you just knew he was going to do jack shit with his life, but he knew a whole lot more about rock n' roll than anybody. except i don't know anything about rock n' roll.

sometimes i get really overwhelmed with things and i have to take a nap. then i wake up and have to deal with things again.

ugly as fuck and washed up, from doing god knows what when he still had life in him.

the important thing is the obvious thing nobody is saying.
-bukowski

not again..

i'd like to finish that conversation on life we never got around to.

a banana split & the ups and downs of real life.

if you walk away from something, there's no guarantee you'll ever get it again. if you wait around forever everything around you will change. trying to choose the right path in life seems pretty much a coin toss unless you're willing to put up with just about anything.

things fall apart.