Monday, July 24, 2006
it's standard.
keep your standards and "the way things are". i want to know a good reason. a reason to do things like you do. one day i stopped having fun at parties and bars and just doing things in general. things seemed to change around me, even though i knew i was someone different. someone who no longer wanted the things people around me want. none of it. searching for an example of a life i consider worth living, not only tinkering.
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no reasons. because you want to. because you're not sure. because you don't want to. because everybody staring at you is a wank. because you wanted to at some point. because you never wanted to. because everyone is doing something else. because everyone is doing someone else. because you thought so. because they thought so. because you were busy before. because you broke your leg. because you didn't do this. because you never meant do this, and you saw someone else do it, and you then you saw yourself doing it. because you meant to do something and you realized it was a bad idea, you did this instead. because you missed a chance. because you were close enough, you figured you needn't press on. because machines are humming. because you didn't believe. because you believed. flowers are growing. because you said something a certain. because it didn't pan out how you seemed, because the winner circle is over there, not here. because you ate too much. because you fed your ego. because the animals living in your stomach told you so. because you broke all your bones and lived in a body cast for 10 months, because you were outside looking at the stars, because tradition never really meant anything to you, because everybody is doing the same thing, because there's no point. because somebody said something that raised a brow, because you were trying to be tactful. because you fell and broke your leg, because you were believing something else at the time, because you were thinking of your youth, because you loved something else, because you loved yourself too much, because you were jealous, because you were more into self-gratification, because you couldn't recite the alphabet backwards until you practiced, because you were afraid of dogs, because you remembered you used to dig holes in the dirt as a child with your neighbours, because you used to be disgusted by outward protruding belly buttons, because it reminded you too much of where you came from and what you never wanted to be.
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