i didn't fuck anyone today, not even myself.

there's a lot of potential out there. everything presents a new possibility. yet most of the time it feels as if nothing really changes or ever really will. a potential constricted by perspective. if there were no music those girls probably wouldn't let boys they don't know touch them like that without a cushion of conversation. all i ate today was bread. it was all i had in the kitchen. i have a bank balance of -0.08 from buying the bread. i should have gotten paid a few days ago. but it will probably happen tomorrow, hopefully. not enjoying life is tiring. i'm thinking of just driving off. what do you do when you're tired of being yourself, but it's all you know how to do. i'm glad no one loves me who doesn't have to. it makes it a little easier to know that i'm not doing very well and if things go wrong it wont matter to more people than necessary. i wonder why people bother saying goodbye. just leaving seems to say it so much better. no note or anything, just the time spent together, trying to interact and relate, maybe. or just being around another person. then not at all.