ugly as fuck and washed up, from doing god knows what when he still had life in him.

the important thing is the obvious thing nobody is saying.
-bukowski

not again..

i'd like to finish that conversation on life we never got around to.

a banana split & the ups and downs of real life.

if you walk away from something, there's no guarantee you'll ever get it again. if you wait around forever everything around you will change. trying to choose the right path in life seems pretty much a coin toss unless you're willing to put up with just about anything.

things fall apart.

Arr..

life is cyclical in nature and now you're back to where you feel you've been a hundred times before, so now what?

take the quickest route to whatever's next. drink.

we only want to hear about your problems to feel better about ourselves.

we've all got issues of our own. thanks.

summertime bacchanalian

she was beautiful and we were dancing.. when the music stopped i kissed her, then she looked away. "sorry" i said, "is that not ok". "no it's fine," she said, so i kissed her again and we kept dancing. and kissing. and dancing and kissing. someone yelled, "get a room!" which just made me kiss her again. by the time we finally stopped i had forgotten it was a world with people who come and go through your life as easy as a summer breeze. i had forgotten anything existed at all except for me and this girl and our dance. but it did, and as the moment slipped away i knew happiness would be getting it back. love would be getting it forever. and that's when i started to believe such things were possible. and that some people will never know.

what were you thinking just then?

a series of looks that can only mean one thing: disappointment.

hope: the beginning of something new

one day something will change how you view everything all at once. one day everything will be different, yet eerily the same. I heard a good story:

a man was shot and killed outside a bar. "the city" was the bar. he was a homeless man, shot and killed. he was shot by another homeless man outside "the city". the two homeless men were having a dispute outside the bar when one shot and killed the other. he was wearing a kilt when he died.

777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777788888888888888888888800000000000000000000000000000000000000006666666666666666666666666666666666

it appears that everyone else in the world has simultaneously gone crazy.. or i have. or maybe i've just grown apart from everything. all these kids, they're all grown up. priorities in closed relationships and establishing ones self in the world. almost as if there was some big memo passed around that i missed out on. everyone just seems to have a better idea of who they are and what they want in life than me. especially at this age. i've spent a good deal of my time lately thinking back on situations in my life where i've been the most pathetic excuse for a living being. awkward, unreasonable, irrational, unable to justify the things i do with any sort of coherent logic. fun seems about impossible these days. the worst of it is, i felt like i was normal for a while, just like everyone i can't relate to now. so far gone.