they have their reasons.

he knows if he goes back to her now, she might not take him back, it might not be the same.

his boss tells a joke about what his parents got him for his fortieth birthday, something about a gym membership or a hair implant. like all his boss' jokes, he knows it wont be long until he hears the joke told again, word for word, to some captive listener on the phone. It's as though the jokes stay in rotation for a couple days, then retire.

she fell in love because it was the easy thing to do. she doesn't know any more about happiness than him, but she doesn't think about it near as much.

if he would have gone to paris his life would be different, he wouldn't have married her, he wouldn't have divorced her, he wouldn't hate his job, he wouldn't mock everyone when their back is turned, he might not be bitter. he also wouldn't have his daughters, they're the reason he puts up with it. to him it's a good reason.

she's learning to go out in the world and not have to worry about loving or being loved. she's learning life can be ok like that.

he's trying to sell himself the idea of things getting better, but he's not buying it. he's giving it away.

something good to remind yourself about everything.

i'm just visiting, this is temporary, one day i won't be here.

need to get the fuck out of the south.

this cabernet sauvignon is a breath of fresh air. needing midwest customs like a fish needs water. like life needs reason. everyone's gotta be good at something, right? how many millions are just as good at the same thing i am, if not better? let's take a train, let's just pick up everything and take a train somewhere, then take a boat, then land on an island, then who the fuck cares! we're on an island! fuck all man. island.

the difference between bitter and spiteful.

i look around and see a lot of lives i would not choose to live myself. a lot of people doing what they have to in order to stay alive, whithout much good reason.

that month when i was sick, i think i had mono or something, that took a lot out of me. i could have gotten my life organized otherwise, perhaps.

the only direction we can move is forward. it makes one wonder what all the fussing is about. things are different already, we should see this. it doesn't mean improvement, it doesn't mean more understanding, or smarter, it just means no going back. not in any true sense. we're stuck on this conveyer belt away from what we know and love. if you don't go along with it, it will just drag you along anyways. the happiest people i've met still complain about things. maybe i haven't met anyone who's that happy, or maybe even happiness has its problems. people are always full of advice for the lives of others, especially when they have no answers for themselves. it's easy to be objective and point fingers from the outside. let's not go to bed, let's open some wounds; there are certain people, certain moments, certain memories, that although they're gone, you don't want to get over. it's time to have kids and start focusing on someone else for a change.

reenacting the war.

is it fun for them? is it like a game?

someone to praise the pretentious.

as long as someone buys in, that's enough. if you look long enough, someone will buy in.

there are two types of salesmen. the salesman who wants to sell and the salesman who wants to find someone who needs what he's selling. they are both trying to make money. they both may or may not be successful depending on various factors. both are likely to sell to someone eager to buy without any need for the product. salesmen are ubiquitous. we are all salesmen to some degree. even if we don't mean to be, and are bad at it, which normally go hand in hand. the life of a salesman, we're selling our worth for all we can get.

$15/hr.

god's country.

if one can be happy anywhere, if it's all in one's attitude, then why doesn't everyone just move to the slums and shut up about all the bullshit.

he cries so easy.

a small kind of constant distortion. tendency to shut oneself off from the world. not shaving. not eating properly. scarce interest. disturbing feelings of social obligation when around others.

resolution is a path that leads somewhere else, part 2

things won't be the same, but there's a chance they might be better.

resolution is a path that leads somewhere else, part 1

his father asked sincerely in front of him, where did i go wrong. nothing was resolved that day.

1 speed bike - limp penis.

1 When I Was 12 I Used To Skip School (5:07)
2 Just So I Could Masturbate All Day Long (1:20)
3 I Used To Think About This Girl At My School (2:57)
4 When I Was 20 She Took Me Home (5:58)
5 But I Couldn't Get It Up (3:55)

idiotbox.

people's reactions to him could only be justified if he was a complete idiot. he realized this. and thusly, he realized he was an idiot. perhaps not always, but enough for other people to think so.

forget your ideas of god and love.

what's life to you? what makes it worthwhile? interesting? not just a series of small goals?

god dies in the fine line.

everyone knew the motive behind each action he took. just as her motives were commonly understood. the two of them weren't all that different really. they were both drunk on wine and what they wanted of each other. the next day, one will leave them hungover, while the other leads them away from who they are and towards who they'll become. we're always going in a direction towards or away from things. away from the things we know, towards the unknown.

if the few people you interact with in your lifetime happen to consider you odd, and treat you as such, you might consider yourself to be odd, possibly causing you to act more odd out of insecurity. the other people in the world might have considered you perfectly normal. the loneliest, strangest people have only to meet one right person to be a little less lonely.

god dies in the fine line, sleepwalking towards truth, forgetting how to act, focusing on the temporal nature of things.

opening doors.

he opens doors every chance he gets. he wants people to know he's a good person, just in case. when he's alone he thinks of the past and says, "fuck" aloud, as if scolding himself. he looks around to make sure no one's there, more disappointed and embarrassed, he carries on with the task at hand. one day the past will be worse, he's sure of it. he's just not sure what happens after that.