i do nothing except think about the past. this empties any future. maybe if love wasn't settled for so often. a change will come, but not necessarily when i want it. doing the things i want to be good at like a nervous habit, in hopes that one day i will be 'good'. i hate worthless small talk and fluff conversations, expecially when i start them. it fills me with a feeling like the awareness of falling out of love. i'm being stubborn, i don't want to change even though i should. i'm hoping for a compromise to present itself. this hope might only be waiting for life to end. less a hope than an aimless wandering.
solution: hang out with friends, day in, day out, making ideas to pay rent... t shirt designs, illustrations, modern folk art. people pay good money for these things, just sell them on your greatness.
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