Monday, August 28, 2006
pretty bitter
when i think of love these days, not much good comes to mind. i guess i'm pretty fucked up. though i know this doesn't make me special or rare. it seems to be common these days. expecting things to end. best case scenario, one person will be glad that it's over. now when i talk, i'm lucky if i don't say something horribly insulting or humiliating. i should be happy to just get out a good "hi" with a fake smile. they should be happy to get it. they don't even know what's going on in my head. love is what happens when we can't tolerate existence as it is, lonely and indifferent. love is a reaching outwards. love is a cake with two people holding hands. love is something to be admired. to love someone and be loved without knowing what love is, this is naive, this is lucky. i have forgotten how to love and yet, this assumes i have loved in the past and that it can be learned again. as if love is something that comes and goes. more often going. coming only as a reminder that it will go away. one day we will be without it again.
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2 comments:
Pretty bitter. Yet not quite as bitter as me. I'm sorry about a lot of things lately, but more sorry I didn't see you more when you were here. Love always, Rose
ya, bitterness...hmm.. i felt that ambience when talking to you while i was at school today....you seemed to project your usual bitterness towards me. or maybe it was my usual rants about being a consumer whore and getting a keyboard, memory upgrade, camera, and bike... hmmm........well i guess i am into conspicious consumption... i dont even need the camera or keyboard or memory upgrade...yet i persist in doing so (but then again, thats assuming there are essences that i 'need'....while in fact i think quite the opposite..everything could be extinquished, everything destroyed, everything contingent.....so when it comes down to it, it is all a psychological play of events. Fuck me....I still feel like getting vegan shoes for school, but its kind of hard to orient myself in japan with these things...give it time i guess...anywas this has turned into a self ejaculation of sorts....narcicissm has won the day.
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