a nap partner

i don't think she would have loved me if she'd met me then, because of who i was and what i thought i wanted. she would have left me to become someone she might love, without ever having known it. i think i may have let her go as well, because of how i pictured love. on a movie screen, on a tv show, as a girl who never gets older than twenty and needs nothing more than to cave to my every desire. natalie portman, jennifer love hewitt, whoever. i saw enough of them, one of them was sure to have undying affection towards me. if only i could happen upon meeting her. then her flawless personality would mesh with mine like the most perfect of tanglings. but i never would meet her. and even if i did, love degrades like happiness, chaotic and unpredictable, yet always new or disappearing. i wasn't looking for someone i could lay down with and take naps with forever, but in the end that's all any of us get. someone to talk to and look at before and after naps.