viewing things from the current perspective.

"i'm turning to god."

he'll help you as much as i will, if not more. the further back i remember love, the better it seems. maybe she's just what i need, maybe we're just what each other need. perhaps she's just a wild fuck and a good night's rest. maybe the future doesn't matter if i could be eternally happy for now. without enough motivation for suicide all we have are ideas and stories without any moral value. god would condemn us either way. everything since mexico has been ugly. one day we might stumble into something grand. let's hope this time is soon, otherwise things will get just hideous. i'll make love to her, and she'll think we're getting married, but more likely i'll run off to china and seek out the last remaining opium den to wallow in the oblivion of solitude until one day there's nothing left to take. then i'll know as much as anyone gets to know about things.